Confidence in conversation

How to speak up, ask for what you need and feel more heard at work.

Lawyers communicate all day long.

You advise. You negotiate. You draft. You explain. You ask questions for a living. And yet, some of the hardest conversations at work can still feel surprisingly difficult.

Not the technical ones. Not the client calls you are prepared for. Not the legal analysis you know inside out.

I mean the more human conversations. The ones where you need to say,

“I’m struggling with this workload.”

Or, “I need more clarity.”

Or, “That didn’t sit right with me.”

Or even, “I’m not sure I can take this on properly right now.”

Those conversations can feel far harder than they should.

Part of the reason is that, in legal workplaces, competence is often closely tied to composure. You become very good at looking calm, capable and in control, even when internally you feel unsure, stretched or frustrated. There can be a quiet pressure to keep going, work it out, not make things awkward and not be the person who seems difficult, too emotional or unable to cope.

So instead, you stay quiet. You second-guess yourself. You replay conversations in your head. You tell yourself you are overreacting. You hope the issue will resolve itself.

Sometimes it does. Often it does not.

Instead, frustration builds. Misunderstandings deepen. The thing that could have been a fairly straightforward conversation becomes heavier because it has been carried around for too long.

Confidence in conversation is not about being the loudest

Confidence in conversation is not about being the loudest person in the room. It is not about having the perfect words or delivering everything flawlessly. It is about being able to communicate honestly, clearly and calmly enough to say what needs to be said.

That includes asking for what you need.

A lot of us expect other people to know. We assume they should be able to see that we are overwhelmed, that we needed more support, or that something was not working. But people are not mind-readers. We often hold expectations of other people without having clearly communicated them. Then we feel hurt, frustrated or unheard when those expectations are not met.

That is where so many communication problems begin.

As simple as it sounds, saying what you need matters. It gives the other person a fair chance to understand you properly. It also helps you move from silent frustration into something more useful: clarity.

Listening is a bigger part of communication than we often realise

There is another side to this too, and it often gets overlooked.

Real communication is not just about how well you speak. It is also about how well you listen.

Most of us think we are listening when, in truth, we are waiting. Waiting to respond, defend, explain, fix or prove our point. Especially when we feel under pressure, it is easy to listen through the filter of our own anxiety. We hear criticism where there may only be concern. We hear rejection where there may simply be poor communication. We hear threat when what is really being said is much smaller and more manageable.

Listening well means slowing that process down. It means hearing the actual words being said rather than only the story your mind immediately attaches to them. It means asking, “Is that what you meant?” rather than assuming. It means being curious enough to let the other person finish.

Good listening can completely change the tone of a conversation. It can soften defensiveness, reduce misunderstanding and help the other person feel safe enough to be honest with you too.

A few things that can help

The good news is that this is something you can practise.

Before an important conversation, get clear on the outcome you want and your main point. Not every point. Just the main one. Ask yourself: what do I actually need to say here?
Keep your language simple. You do not need a speech. Often one or two clear sentences land far better than over-explaining.
Try to speak from your own experience rather than launching into accusation. “I’m finding this difficult to manage as it stands” is far more constructive than “You always give me too much work.”
If you are upset, pause before you speak. Not to avoid the conversation, but to steady yourself enough to have it well.
And when the other person responds, listen. Really listen. Let them finish. Ask one clarifying question. Reflect back what you have heard if you need to. Very often, better conversations begin not when someone speaks more forcefully, but when both people feel properly heard.

Speaking up earlier is often kinder than staying silent

None of this means every conversation will go perfectly. Some people will still be defensive. Some workplaces will still have unhelpful dynamics. Some conversations will still feel uncomfortable. But saying nothing usually comes at a cost too.

In my experience, the hardest conversations are rarely made easier by avoiding them. They are made easier by approaching them earlier, more honestly and with more steadiness.

Confidence in conversation is not perfection. It is practice.

It is learning that you are allowed to speak up. Allowed to ask for what you need. Allowed to clarify. Allowed to say, calmly and clearly, “This is what is going on for me.”

And sometimes, just as importantly, it is learning to be quiet for long enough to truly hear what someone else is trying to say.

That is where better communication starts.

Portrait of a young woman with long black hair. Tricia Gudka

More about the author

Trisha Gudka is a wellbeing coach and facilitator, and a former lawyer. She helps professionals feel calmer, clearer and more confident under pressure through practical, grounded tools that support communication, emotional resilience and everyday wellbeing. Her work is informed by both her background in law and her own lived experience of navigating difficult periods of mental health. Find out more on Trisha’s website or get in touch via LinkedIn.

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