We don’t always know what the people we work alongside every day are dealing with. Someone might appear to be managing perfectly well at work, but we may have no idea how much effort it takes for them to keep going.
They might be struggling with their mental health, adjusting to a disability, facing challenges related to neurodivergence or dealing with something difficult in their personal life. They may want support but worry about what asking for it could mean for their reputation or career.
In the legal sector, where accuracy, reliability and professionalism are so important, admitting that you are struggling can feel particularly difficult.
The pressure to appear capable
There can be an unspoken expectation in legal workplaces that capable people should be able to manage. Asking for help can feel like admitting you cannot cope, particularly when everyone is busy and the pressure to deliver is constant. For someone with a disability or who is neurodivergent, there may be additional concerns. Will colleagues treat me differently? Will people question my ability? Could asking for adjustments affect my opportunities for progression?
These fears do not necessarily reflect how an employer would respond. But the possibility of being misunderstood can be enough to stop someone from speaking up. There is also a difficult balance between wanting people to understand and not wanting to be treated differently.
You want support, but you do not want to become the person everyone sees as needing help. You want colleagues to recognise that something has changed without assuming your abilities or ambitions have changed too. Sometimes, hiding the struggle feels easier than explaining it.
When I became the person who was struggling
I know this feeling from my own experience as a solicitor. After losing my sight, I continued going into the office, smiling and pretending I was fine. Inside, I felt completely useless and as though I was invisible.
I wanted to be treated the same as everyone else, but at the same time, I desperately wanted people to understand what I was going through. Everyone around me was busy getting on with their jobs. I felt there was little room for me to struggle, and I found it difficult to explain what I needed.
I have also experienced mental health difficulties, and I know how hard it can be to turn up at work when you do not want to see or speak to anyone. Yet you put on a smile, make conversation and carry on because that is what you feel is expected of you. From the outside, everything can look perfectly normal. But looking fine and feeling fine are two very different things.
The hidden effort of coping alone
For some neurodivergent people, the working day involves consciously adapting how they communicate or behave to meet other people’s expectations. Someone with a disability might spend considerable time finding ways around inaccessible systems rather than risk being seen as difficult by asking for change. Someone experiencing poor mental health might continue meeting deadlines while privately struggling to get through the day.
None of this effort is necessarily visible. And when someone appears to be managing, it is easy to assume that everything is working as it should.
Of course, not everyone wants to disclose a disability, their neurodivergence or personal difficulty. Privacy matters, and nobody should feel pressured to share more than they are comfortable with. The concern is when people feel they have no choice but to hide their difficulties because they fear the consequences of being honest.
That can mean spending enormous amounts of energy trying to appear fine, while the barriers making work difficult remain unaddressed.
Why encouraging people to speak up is not enough
Many organisations encourage employees to speak up, ask for help or discuss adjustments. But telling people they can speak openly is different from creating an environment where they genuinely feel safe doing so.
People notice how others are treated when they disclose a difficulty. They remember whether previous concerns were taken seriously or brushed aside. If someone has been made to feel that asking for help is inconvenient, or that their difficulties call their competence into question, they may be reluctant to have that conversation again.
Sometimes, a conversation can begin with something as simple as, “How are things going for you at the moment?” or “Is there anything about the way we’re working that’s making things more difficult for you?” These questions give someone an opportunity to discuss barriers without having to begin by explaining a diagnosis or personal circumstances. Of course, asking is only the beginning. What matters is how the conversation is handled and whether the person feels heard.
Creating a workplace where people can be themselves
No workplace can remove every pressure, and not every difficulty has a straightforward solution. But organisations can create an environment where people feel more comfortable being honest about what they need.
An environment that works well for one person might create significant barriers for someone else. The fact that a colleague has always managed does not necessarily mean the current arrangements are working for them. Regular conversations, a willingness to explore different ways of working and an openness to reviewing what is helping can make a meaningful difference.
Needing support does not make someone less capable, committed or valuable. Inclusion is not about treating everyone identically. It is about recognising that people may need different things to have a fair opportunity to do their best work. Sometimes, the most valuable thing we can do is make someone feel that they do not have to pretend.
Silence does not mean someone is coping
I often think back to how I felt sitting in that office, smiling while feeling completely lost. I did not need everyone to understand exactly what I was going through. I needed to know that I could talk about it without being judged or having assumptions made about what I could and could not do.
We cannot always tell when someone is struggling, and we should not expect people to share personal information before we treat them with understanding. But we can be more curious, more willing to listen and less quick to assume that someone who appears to be managing must be fine.
Because sometimes, the person who looks as though they are coping is the person working hardest to hide the fact that they are not.
Hannah Cohen
Hannah Cohen is an ICF-accredited workplace inclusion coach and founder of The Insight Coach. A former solicitor who experienced significant sight loss during her legal career, Hannah now works with individuals and organisations to recognise and remove hidden barriers at work. Drawing on her professional and lived experience, she helps create workplaces where people feel able to be themselves, ask for support and thrive.
Article first published October 2026.
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