- Our existence as LGBTQ+ lawyers is valid, even if others tell us it is not, or actively campaign against our rights, or against legal reforms which would make our life more manageable.
- Taking time to celebrate or look after ourselves is not selfish. Given that there are organisations, individuals and jurisdictions wishing us fewer rights or other harm, self care and Pride are both courageous forms of activism!
- Whether or not we attend Pride events, or conceal our identities for any reason within the professional closet, LGBTQ+ lawyers deserve not only to be accepted at all levels of the legal profession, but to be safe, and celebrated.
In common with others from underrepresented communities, there are times when for LGBTQ+ people, resilience is acquired at a high price to our emotional, physical and mental health. If you are trans and regularly deadnamed or misgendered; if you are non-binary and told that your gender identity is not real; if you are bi or pansexual and people call your sexuality invalid; if you are Black or Muslim as well as queer and have to constantly ‘bounce back’ from racist and homophobic microaggressions, then the chances are that you know only too well how this feels.
How do I deal with LGBTQ+ microaggressions?
It is always up to you whether or how to respond. This may vary from one situation to another depending on the setting or how you are feeling at the time.
The microaggression may have falsely assumed you are heterosexual and/or cisgender, so a split-second decision is often called for whether to respond. It is not your responsibility to respond, nor are you under any obligation to ‘out’ yourself to ‘call out’ such behaviour.
It can be hard to distinguish between their intention and the impact it has caused you.
Split-second decisions are called for far more often than is appreciated by those who are not minoritized by their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. The cumulative effect of suppressing our response can cause a build-up of supressed anger or stress. This can mean we are responding to a history of microaggressions, many of which we have ‘let pass’, rather than just the incident which has occurred. This in turn can lead to accusations of over-sensitivity on our part, which feeds into a vicious circle effect. The anticipation of microaggressions and supressing or responding adds a layer of stress which can make social or work situations extra tiring or lead us to avoiding them.
Talking to other LGBTQ+ people can help to normalise our experiences with microaggressions and enable us to share different ways to respond.
Talking to allies can help diffuse the impact in the moment rather than let it stick on the inside as unexpressed distress/anger. It is not your responsibility to educate allies but if you are able to find colleagues whom you trust to share the impact of certain behaviours on you (e g misgendering) this can improve the support you and other LGBTQ+ people receive from allies as bystanders who can call out microaggressions in future situations.
To have time to recover between knockdowns, you may have to actively avoid certain high-risk situations. If you do have time to recover, then your innate resilience has a chance to make you stronger, but not so much if the knocks keep on coming whilst you are still bruised.
Tips (if it feels safe to do so):
- You can try asking the speaker to clarify or repeat what they said or meant by their comment – this gives them a chance to reflect and the opportunity to apologise or correct themselves.
- Either at the time or at later opportunity, you can explain to the person who made the comment or to a manager how the comment made you feel uncomfortable.
- If you are trans and considering transitioning at work you , or an ally colleague may wish to draw your employers attention to the HR and Managers Guides and template.
- If the microaggression involved misgendering, and the workplace wants to do better, they can consider adopting a voluntary pronouns policy , such as that produced by The Law Society and included on the above link.
Resources and support links for LGBTQ+ lawyers
- Bi Pride UK’s mission is to create spaces where people who experience attraction beyond gender can be freely visible and celebrate themselves and their identities. It’s not enough to be ‘welcome’ at a Pride. Bi people make up a very large proportion of the GRSD (Gender, Romantic and Sexual Diversity) community – many stats actually say over half the community –we deserve to be visible and celebrated in our own right.
- Consortium LGBT+ is to member directory (searchable by region or other filters). A national infrastructure and umbrella body for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans+ groups across the UK. All members sign up to Membership Values and Principles.
- Galop works with and for LGBT+ victims and survivors of abuse and violence
- Gendered Intelligence is a trans led charity which works to increase understandings of gender diversity and improve the lives of trans people.
- Gender Identity Research and Education society(GIRES) supports individuals, families and organisations including those struggling with gender expression and their families. Their directory includes non-commercial groups and organisations supporting or assisting trans and gender diverse individuals, their families and friends across the UK.
- Hidayah provides support and welfare for LGBTQI+ Muslims and promotes social justice and education to counter discrimination, prejudice and injustice.
- Intersex Equality Rights UK is currently being established as a new intersex equality rights campaigning charity that will work with, and support people born with intersex variations.
- It’s All About You Wellbeing is a South West based Community Interest Company. It provides training and support, including on specialist legal rights and duties. It also co-ordinates a directory of therapists and other professionals who have shown a positive commitment to working affirmatively with LGBTQ+ clients and their families. All have undertaken taken specific training eg Pink therapy accreditation and/or have experience in providing service to the diverse range of people whose identities are within the LGBTQ+ umbrella, plus friends and family members of LGBTQ+ people who want to be confident that their chosen professional has the right expertise.
- KeshetUK is an education and training charity with a mission to ensure that Jewish LGBT+ people and their families are included throughout Jewish life in the UK, aspiring to work with all UK Jewish communities, including Liberal, Masorti, Orthodox and Reform, cross-communal and non-denominational organisations.
- London Bisexual Network is a professional network catering to those who work in the legal, insurance, banking and professional services industries. It aims to build awareness of and support for the bi communities within the city of London. While primarily focused on the bi community, also welcomes individuals from the greater LGBTQ+ and pan community, as well as allies.
- MindLine Trans+ is a confidential emotional, mental health support helpline and signposting service for people who identify as Trans, A Gender, Gender Fluid, Non-binary. A UK wide service delivered by Mind in Somerset.
- Mind Out is a LGBTQ+ mental health support run by and for people with lived LGBTQ+ experience. For LGBTQ people aged 18+ who are based in Brighton and Hove, with the exception of their confidential, non-judgmental and anonymous Online Support service which is available globally. Also available to those who may not identify under the LGBTQ umbrella, including straight people who have sexual and/or romantic relationships with LGBTQ people, men who have sex with men, women who have sex with women, people who previously identified as LGBTQ and those who are questioning their sexual and/or gender identities.
- Naz and Matt Foundation empowers and supports LGBTQI+ individuals, their friends and family to work towards resolving challenges linked to sexuality or gender identity, particularly where religion is heavily influencing the situation.
- One Body One Faith enables LGBT+ Christians and advocates for change within the church.
- Pink Therapy includes directory of qualified LGBTQIA+ friendly therapists and counsellors providing trusted, non-judgmental services for people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, asexual, intersex and anyone who identifies as gender, sex or relationship diverse.
- Rainbow Migration supports LGBTQI+ people through the UK asylum and immigration system
- Regard provides information, advice and support to LGBTQI+ disabled people
- Stonewall is a professional campaigning organisation for LGBTQ+ rights. Also supports organisations towards inclusion and best practice.
- Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline provides a confidential safe telephone/chat/email space for people to explore their thoughts and experiences; to engage with their feelings and beliefs and reflect on why they hold them.
- Terence Higgins Trust provide emotional support if you are worried about your sexual health or have concerns about living with HIV
- TransActual: Works to improve trans people’s experiences of healthcare and for legal recognition and protections for trans people, and improved media representation of trans people.
- Trans Legal Project is a network of barristers, solicitors, post-graduate law students and legal researchers, who provide a legal resource in support of the UK trans community, aimed at helping trans people and their legal advocates understand the law and to claim and protect their legal rights in the UK.
- UK Black Pride is the world’s largest celebration for LGBTQI+ people of African, Asian, Caribbean, Latin American and Middle Eastern-descent. Annual celebration during pride month, as well as a variety of activities throughout the year in and around the UK, which also promote and advocate for the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual health and wellbeing of the communities represented. Fosters, represents and celebrates Black LGBTQI+ and QTIPOC culture through education, the arts, cultural events and advocacy. Promotes unity and cooperation among LGBTQI+ people of diasporic communities in the UK, as well as their friends and families.
Bridget Garrood
Bridget qualified into the professional closet at a time when there were no legal protections for LGBTQ+ people or families in 1994. She continues to practice part time as a consultant solicitor, but is equally focussed on supporting the wellbeing of her fellow lawyers, having qualified in 2022 as a reflective practice family law supervisor. In this aspect of her consultancy business she practices as a member of the Association of Family Law Supervisors.
You can get in touch with Bridget by email or by messaging her on LinkedIn.
In her volunteer role with the Law Society LGBTQ+ Solicitors Network Committee, Bridget led their project team for trans and non-binary inclusion, whose output includes a suite of documents for law firms and other organisations to adopt free of charge. This supports employees with transition and change to gender expression in the workplace. The Law Society is an organisational ally to trans and non-binary lawyers which: is proud to have you within the profession and to stand with you in seeking equality and acceptance.
Bridget mentors aspiring LGBTQ+ lawyers and student bodies, contributes to blogs and podcasts, drawing on her 29 lived experience as a lesbian lawyer, and her practice as a family law solicitor, for which she is acknowledged in Legal 500 as a leading LGBTQ+ specialist family lawyer. She is a member of the UK and Ireland LGBT Family Law Institute, part of a global network of leading family lawyers who are at the cutting edge of LGBT+ family law issues. She has a national following as a champion of progressive LGBTQ+ legal reform, and has for over 30 years advised and supported LGBTQ+ clients. She is one of a tiny handful of solicitors with many years of expertise advising trans and non-binary clients seeking specialist family law expertise, and/or advice on the narrow and intrusive process for obtaining legal recognition under the Gender Recognition Act 2004, now long overdue for reform.
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