Even people who seem confident can have doubts about their abilities. And how confident we feel at work can depend a lot on how we’re treated by the people around us.
You can be good at your job and still doubt yourself
You can have years of experience, be really good at your job and still doubt yourself. That was something that came up several times during the webinar.
It’s easy to look around at colleagues who seem confident and assume they don’t have the same worries as you. But we don’t really know how other people are feeling or what doubts they might have.
Confidence isn’t necessarily about knowing all the answers. Sometimes it’s about trusting yourself to work things out, asking for help when you need it and accepting that you won’t always get everything right.
The people around you make a big difference
Your working environment can make a huge difference on your confidence, more people are particularly affected by the people around them at work. Being criticised, talked over or made to feel foolish can really knock your confidence, even if you’re normally quite self-assured.
The panel talked about how important it is to work with people who are happy to answer questions, listen to different views and make others feel comfortable speaking up.
Managers have an important role here – but so does everyone else. Something as simple as inviting a quieter colleague into a conversation can make a difference.
Speaking up can be difficult, especially when you’re less experienced
Speaking up in meetings can be difficult, especially when you’re surrounded by people who seem more experienced or confident than you.
The panel talked about how we sometimes undermine ourselves without realising it, saying things like “Sorry, this might be a silly question” before we’ve even asked it.
Thee panel suggested that you try to stop apologising unnecessarily and remember that you have every right to contribute. You don’t need to be the most experienced person in the room to have something worth saying.
Mistakes and criticism
It’s easy to dwell on something that’s gone wrong at work, replaying what happened and wondering what you could have done differently.
The panel talked about how we tend to focus on mistakes and setbacks, rather than all the things we’ve done well. Sometimes we also blame ourselves for outcomes that weren’t entirely within our control.
If you’ve made a mistake, it’s important to acknowledge it and work out how to put things right. But it’s also worth asking yourself how much difference it really made and what you can learn from it, rather than letting it knock your confidence in everything else you do.
You don’t always have to feel ready
The panel talked about how easy it is to talk ourselves out of opportunities because we don’t feel ready or think we need more experience.
One example was a barrister who heard that a colleague had secured a book deal simply by approaching a publisher. She decided to pitch her own idea and ended up getting a book deal too. Until then, she hadn’t really considered that she could just put herself forward.
Of course, there will be times when we need to build our skills or get more experience. But it’s worth asking whether there’s something you genuinely need to learn, or whether you’re holding back because doing something new feels uncomfortable.
Learning to say no
Saying no isn’t always easy, especially if you’re someone who likes to help or worries about letting people down. This came up during the audience questions, with the panel recognising how difficult it can be to set boundaries at work.
Their advice was to start with small things. If you genuinely don’t have time to take something on, it’s OK to say so without feeling you need to apologise.
One particularly useful suggestion was about what to do when someone gives you more work and you’re already busy. Rather than automatically agreeing and trying to fit everything in, explain what you’ve already got on and ask for help deciding what should take priority.
10 top tips from the panel
- Keep a folder of positive feedback. Save emails, thank you messages and other reminders of things you’ve done well. Look at them when you’re having a difficult day. Remind yourself what you’re capable of. Think about what you’ve achieved and what experience you have.
- Don’t apologise for asking questions. Try dropping phrases like “Sorry, this might be a silly question”. If you need to know something, ask.
- Give yourself time to think. If you’re speaking in a meeting and lose your train of thought, it’s fine to pause. Take a breath, have a sip of water or ask for a moment to gather your thoughts.
- Find people you can turn to. Having colleagues or friends you can ask for help or advice is really useful, especially if you work on your own.
- Put mistakes into perspective. Think about what actually went wrong, how much difference it made and what you can learn. Try not to replay the same situation over and over.
- Try the 70% challenge. If you feel 70% ready for something, ask yourself whether that’s enough to give it a go. If not, work out what’s missing and what you can do about it.
- Learn to say no. Start with smaller things and get used to being clear about what you can and can’t take on.
- You don’t need to know everything. It’s fine to say you haven’t come across something before or need an explanation. Nobody knows everything – however experienced they are.
- Help other people feel comfortable speaking up. Invite quieter colleagues to contribute. Listen to what people have to say and don’t make them feel silly for asking questions.
- Don’t put too much pressure on yourself when you’re starting out. You aren’t expected to know everything straight away. Ask questions, learn from your colleagues and remember that other people starting out are probably feeling just as unsure as you are.
The panel also reminded us that not every tip will work for everyone. Try a few things out and see what works for you.
For LawCare, I think the most useful message to bring out is that confidence isn’t simply something individuals need to get better at. The way we work together, how we treat people and whether they feel able to ask questions or make mistakes all matter too.