Not without my brother

What followed were stressful interactions with the coroner’s office, the Kent Hospital, and the Kent Police.  The family instructed Law firm Hickman & Rose to guide them through the legalities that developed. My MP got involved as things became even more challenging.  Eventually the matter went to the Crown Court in Canterbury.  The driver was sentenced to four years in prison for dangerous driving.    

As you can imagine this had a serious impact on my mental and emotional state. I am the owner of a leadership development business set up in 2005. The boutique services were offered to a range of clients, including Bates Wells, a medium-sized law firm in the City of London. I headed the Governance Development Service at the firm. At the time, I easily worked 70 to 80 hours a week.  

When Tony was killed, I grieved his loss deeply.  Life seemed empty. A light had gone out of my life. While I continued to offer my services, I scaled back.

“To my greatest surprise clients offered their support”

Bates Wells was compassionate and supportive, checking in occasionally to see how I was faring. The firm understood that I needed time and space to come to terms with my loss. The door was left open for me to return to deliver my services when I was ready. This reassurance was helpful on my grief journey. 

The complex grief I suffered deepened after the court case came to an end. I had to seek specialist help and advice. Luckily for me, I got excellent trauma, befriending and bereavement counselling from a range of providers. 

I reached out to LawCare because the support the charity offers to legal professionals is invaluable.  It is only when a person is in a dark place and unable to function well that the critical support of an organisation such as LawCare comes to the fore.

What I learnt

1. We can plan as much as we like, but sometimes life happens and catches us off guard.
2. At times of tragedy and trauma, having a supportive network is golden.
3. It helps to reach out and ask for help as well as accept help when it is offered.
4. Grief and loss can go quite deep. It takes the time it takes. Complex grief can last for quite some time. Self-compassion and being gentle can make all the difference.
5. People grieve differently and can be impacted in a different way by a loss. When my mum and younger brother died suddenly, I was devastated but could still work. Tony’s death impacted me differently.
6. When Tony was killed, it was hard to keep up the level of working I was accustomed to.
7. Checking in to gauge the wellbeing of our people makes all the difference.
8. Becoming a member of a self-help/support group can be helpful. We cannot do life alone, especially at difficult and challenging times.