Sick and tired of LGBTQ+ microaggressions?

• Our existence as LGBTQ+ lawyers is valid, even if others tell us it is not, or actively campaign against our rights, or against legal reforms which would make our life more manageable.
• Taking time to celebrate or look after ourselves is not selfish. Given that there are organisations, individuals and jurisdictions wishing us fewer rights or other harm, self care and Pride are both courageous forms of activism!
• Whether or not we attend Pride events, or conceal our identities for any reason within the professional closet, LGBTQ+ lawyers deserve not only to be accepted at all levels of  the legal profession, but to be safe, and celebrated.

In common with others from underrepresented communities, there are times when for LGBTQ+ people, resilience is acquired at a high price to our emotional, physical and mental health. If you are trans and regularly deadnamed or misgendered; if you are non-binary and told that your gender identity is not real; if you are bi or pansexual and people call your sexuality invalid; if you are Black or Muslim as well as queer and have to constantly ‘bounce back’ from racist and homophobic microaggressions, then the chances are that you know only too well how this  feels.

How do I deal with LGBTQ+ microaggressions?

It is always up to you whether or how to respond. This may vary from one situation to another depending on the setting or how you are feeling at the time.

The microaggression may have falsely assumed you are heterosexual and/or cisgender, so a split-second decision is often called for whether to respond. It is not your responsibility to respond, nor are you under any obligation to ‘out’ yourself to ‘call out’ such behaviour.

It can be hard to distinguish between their intention and the impact it has caused you.

Split-second decisions are called for far more often than is appreciated by those who are not minoritized by their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. The cumulative effect of suppressing our response can cause a build-up of supressed anger or stress. This can mean we are responding to a history of microaggressions, many of which we have ‘let pass’, rather than just the incident which has occurred. This in turn can lead to accusations of over-sensitivity on our part, which feeds into a vicious circle effect. The anticipation of microaggressions and supressing or responding adds a layer of stress which can make social or work situations extra tiring or lead us to avoiding them.

Talking to other LGBTQ+ people can help to normalise our experiences with microaggressions and enable us to share different ways to respond.

Talking to allies can help diffuse the impact in the moment rather than let it stick on the inside as unexpressed distress/anger. It is not your responsibility to educate allies but if you are able to find colleagues whom you trust to share the impact of certain behaviours on you (e g misgendering) this can improve the support you and other LGBTQ+ people receive from allies as bystanders who can call out microaggressions in future situations.

To have time to recover between knockdowns, you may have to actively avoid certain high-risk situations. If you do have time to recover, then your innate resilience has a chance to make you stronger, but not so much if the knocks keep on coming whilst you are still bruised.

Tips (if it feels safe to do so):

• You can try asking the speaker to clarify or repeat what they said or meant by their comment – this gives them a chance to reflect and the opportunity to apologise or correct themselves.
• Either at the time or at later opportunity, you can explain to the person who made the comment or to a manager how the comment made you feel uncomfortable.
• If you are trans and considering transitioning at work you , or an ally colleague may wish to draw your employers attention to the HR and Managers Guides and template. 
• If the microaggression involved misgendering, and the workplace wants to do better, they can consider adopting a voluntary pronouns policy , such as that produced by The Law Society and included on the above link.